Driving Myself Spiritually Insane

What to do when you have no idea what to believe, and you have all these spiritual ideas and opinions and conflicting thoughts smashing into you?

Go spiritually spastic, I suppose.

But seriously, I have no idea what I'm doing. Sure, I've got my basic structure--"and it harm none, do as you will," nature is divine, celebrate the changing seasons, blah blah blah. All that great stuff that I've been practicing since I was 13. But I can't always believe in the same things, although some people seem to think I do.

To tell the absolute truth, I don't know what to believe. One minute one thing makes sense, the next minute something else does, and I have all these ideas and weird thoughts and ponderings and all of it makes sense but it all contradicts each other.

I suppose some would tell me, Becky, just don't even have a religion! Don't even be spiritual! Religion causes too many problems anyway!

But see, that's just not me. I need a spiritual life. I crave it. I might go as far to say that I can't even live without it. Without spirituality, my life seems so empty, so superficial, so ... well ... normal. *involuntary shudder* Without some kind of spirituality, it feels as though I'm wondering around aimlessly; I'm just going through the motions because nothing has any true meaning in it.

So, I need a spirituality, obviously, even if it's not a religion. But the problem is with spirituality, it's even more confusing than religion because nothing is set in stone! Nothing stays the same in spirituality. It grows. It evolves. There's no book telling you exactly what to believe or practice--it's you, metamorphasizing constantly. Which, now that I think about it, doesn't seem so bad...

What's so wrong with changing constantly? Change is the only constant. It's an oxymoron itself. Change is the only sure permament thing in this world. And best of all, change is mischievious. Change sneaks up on you and plays with you and laughs and guffaws and just in general tries its best to generate as much fun as possible, even if that "fun" tends to cause problems. But even problems are fun, in a twisted way. If it weren't for problems, we wouldn't have goals, and if we didn't have goals, we wouldn't be happy.

Am I right?

Yes, I quite believe I am.

I want LIFE to be my spirituality--the "Divine Wow" that is life, the constantly changing and constantly mischievious and difficult and inspiring and beautiful thing that is life. (If you've ever read Pronoia is the Antidote to Paranoia by Rob Brezsny, you can see that I'm highly inspired by it.)

I love that I solved my problem while I typed. It's like my fingers took over and BAM--problem solved. How's that life for you?

Becky, away~
*wooshes out like superman*